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POINT THAT “FLAVOR INJECTOR” AT SOMEBODY ELSE, MISTER

A lot of people fuck up ribs. There’s just no way around it. They’re either too sweet or too dry or too mushy or too gloppy or too… just fucked up. And for something that is so much a staple of so much barbecue, this really is a travesty. In part, I blame competition style barbecue and all of it’s associated ...

BURGER EXPERIMENTALISM VOL. 3: RIDE THE BACON SNAKE

THIS IS THE END, BEAUTIFUL FRIEND… THIS IS THE END MY ONLY FRIEND, THE END…. OF OUR ELABORATE PLANS, THE END… OF EVERYTHING THAT STANDS, THE END… I came-to with the sound of a faint chopper hammering the air above me. The bleary soft focus of the sunlight flared in my retinas, resolving in the furrowed brow of ...

SOME DAYS ARE JUST PORK CHOP DAYS

The Month of Cooking Dangerously trudges forward. To begin, a few updates: Claustrophobia has definitely set in. The walls in my livable areas seem to be closing fast. Spaces are getting smaller and concurrently the various piles of shit (important shit, yes, but piles none the less) seem to be towering higher and higher ...

FRIED PIE BENT AND HELL BOUND

I woke up this morning with a hangover. Not from drinking, I was solo parenting for the night and tipping a bottle doesn’t exactly scream responsible dad to me. No, I’m pretty sure this particular feeling was brought on by a mix of fat, salt and greasy shame. Recently a couple things occurred in my mind. One was the ...

SO NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN, DOCTOR FATTERSON

I feel like my priorities have been all out of whack lately. The once fertile womb of my curing chamber lies fallow and has for months. My freezer is empty of the homemade bacon that makes summer tomatoes achieve their otherworldly state. My smoker has seen only one brisket this entire season, and even that was a bit of a ...

ONE SEXY BIRD

I’m what you might call a late adopter. Exaltations of new and revolutionary tend to be met with a great deal of suspicion, if not outright derision, in my house. To my mind the tried and true will always win out over the hot and newfangled. Typically, when presented with the latest version of “the greatest thing ...

BURGERZILLA

A couple years back, I remember asking my buddy Skinny what he did with his leftover brisket. Skinny is sort of my good ol’ boy ‘cue mentor and has routinely smoked 6-8 briskets for every Longhorn tailgate since he was about 2 years old. He knows his shit. And his beef. And I figured there would be times when he had ...