A GARDENER’S DINNER, EARLY SPRING EDITION
I have to admit, I’ve been really bored with food lately. Bored with talking about it. Bored with eating it. Bored with cooking the usual suspects I churn out of my kitchen. It’s been a bit of an inspiration desert around The Oink house lately. A desert, yes, but a desert filled with beautiful native landscaping. Over ...
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BURGER EXPERIMENTALISM VOL. 1: THE CLASSIC
Light a fire. As you do, wander the yard to the shed, find the fridge in it and open a coldbeer. The coals need time to burn yet. Besides, it’s hot out. A man get’s thirsty. Stare blankly. Doesn’t matter at what. Stopping thought is good for a brain from time to time. Fry some bacon. A house that smells like bacon ...
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LEMME MARINATE ON IT
I’ve always had a rather lengthy list of things that I think are bullshit. It’s a highly scientific process of how something or someone finds their way onto that list. Usually it begins with me furrowing my brow, pointing with an index finger and stating, “That’s bullshit.” And at that point judgment has been ...
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SO NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN, DOCTOR FATTERSON
I feel like my priorities have been all out of whack lately. The once fertile womb of my curing chamber lies fallow and has for months. My freezer is empty of the homemade bacon that makes summer tomatoes achieve their otherworldly state. My smoker has seen only one brisket this entire season, and even that was a bit of a ...
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BURGERZILLA
A couple years back, I remember asking my buddy Skinny what he did with his leftover brisket. Skinny is sort of my good ol’ boy ‘cue mentor and has routinely smoked 6-8 briskets for every Longhorn tailgate since he was about 2 years old. He knows his shit. And his beef. And I figured there would be times when he had ...
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THE SMOKE AND THE FURY
I’ve decided that I like the taste of fire. Actually, I think I decided that a long time ago. But only recently have I come to think of it that way—I like rustic smokiness, I like crispy charred burned bits, I like the deep brownish-black sear from just scorching the hell out of something. I like all the things that ...
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IT’S NOT A MEAL, IT’S A COMMENTARY ON YOUR FAMILY HISTORY
I’ve mentioned “Any asshole knows…” a time or two before. It was one of my Grandfather’s favorite chestnuts, usually followed by “you don’t [insert whatever stupid or wrong act someone committed here].” The point being that even an asshole, or someone lacking in intelligence, knows better than to do what you ...
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