BURGER EXPERIMENTALISM VOL. 3: RIDE THE BACON SNAKE
THIS IS THE END, BEAUTIFUL FRIEND… THIS IS THE END MY ONLY FRIEND, THE END…. OF OUR ELABORATE PLANS, THE END… OF EVERYTHING THAT STANDS, THE END… I came-to with the sound of a faint chopper hammering the air above me. The bleary soft focus of the sunlight flared in my retinas, resolving in the furrowed brow of ...
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HIGH ON THE HOG, JOWL LEVEL IF WE’RE BEING PRECISE
So The Month of Cooking Dangerously could now be more accurately called The Season of Cooking Irritably. My fucker of a kitchen still isn’t done. Granted, to the casual observer it is done. Functionally it’s done. But the last few nagging details have lingered on and on like a stale fart in the place where I should be ...
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O COPPA! MY COPPA!
About 6 months ago I wrote something cute about struggling over waiting a couple weeks for some meat to cure. Six months later it’s ready. And I know what it means to wait. Looking back at those early, fidgeting days, I believe I’ve come to understand the technical term for my condition: being an impatient tit. The ...
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CHARCUTEPALOOZA CHALLENGE #11: THE ITALIAN FOR “ARE WE THERE YET?”
It’s probably inappropriate to describe any feelings toward a pig as a love affair. But it’s true. I have a pig-lover. And my pig-lover’s name is Mangalitsa. I’ve documented my feelings toward the king of swine here. But let me just say again, this is some pig. It’s also my pork of choice for this month’s (second ...
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IT’S LIKE BACON, ONLY MORE DRAMATIC AND WITH EXTRA SYLLABLES
There’s something really outstanding about a pig’s belly. The short of it is probably that it’s outstanding because it’s mostly pork fat, which in and of itself is an inarguable point of greatness. The longer answer though, is a study in versatility. Cured and smoked, pork belly makes bacon, one of the Earth’s ...
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CHARCUTEPALOOZA CHALLENGE #7: THE ART OF MAKING HOT DOGS, IN WHICH I BATTLE A DEAD POSSUM
A brief primer: I am a writer at an ad agency. That means I’m one of the people who makes up and writes the TV ads, billboards and magazine pages that people do their best to ignore. I work with a variety of clients, and over the years, the people I’ve written ads for have included a few food and/or beverage companies. To ...
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YES… BUT DOES YOUR PINT COME WITH BACON?
There are few great absolutes in life. The undeniable worth of a quality bar snack is one of them. A good bar snack is what you might call an intangible—it makes the beer taste better, the time spent seem more fulfilling and the shelled peanut appear to be something worth the effort of an oyster. And yet, I see them less ...
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